10) Pop Music
I probably don't talk about music enough on this blog. At the risk of being called a music snob, I typically like to listen stuff that expresses creativity in either music or lyrics, preferably both. The problem with music, like with any artistic medium, is that the deeper it gets, the more specific a group typically is impacted by it. Pop music dials this back to the extreme, stripping music down from anything creative or boundary-pushing and boiling it down to generic lyrics and the most basic of chord progressions and synthesized rhythm sections. It is designed to be as annoyingly catchy as possible so you'll remember the song as it forces its way into your head until you buy the album. It's not art, it's business...and I hate it.
9) That sinking feeling when your team/guy totally blows it on the big stage...
I am a huge fan of sports, particularly NFL and NASCAR (and college basketball- more on that later). When your team/driver makes it to the championship, the stakes are high. Win the ultimate prize, or suffer the ultimate defeat. Here are two examples of the latter.
First, let's go back to Super Bowl XLVIII, where my Indianapolis Colts played the Saints of New Orleans. Indy is off to a great start, but NO mounts an incredible comeback and takes the lead by a touchdown. Peyton Manning, maybe the second or third best QB ever, starts charging down the field with minutes to go, hoping to lead his team on a game-tying drive. Then this happens:
Game over, and I'm in a horrible mood for a week.
Example #2 happened last year in NASCAR. For those of you who don't know how NASCAR playoffs work (I'm assuming that's most of you), a set of 16 drivers are eliminated to four over the course of nine races, and whoever finishes the best among those final four drivers in the last race is the series champion (all other drivers still race). My favorite driver at the time (he no longer competes) was Carl Edwards, a talented driver and overall nice guy. Carl was in the Championship 4 and had been dominating the race. He led the contenders with 10 laps to go, when caution was called for debris on the track. The field bunches back up, runs a few caution laps, and gets ready for a restart. Keep an eye on my boy in the orange car:
There's no coming back from that one, and Carl sees a championship slip away. Despite the crushing disappointment, Carl runs over to the 22 pit box (guy that wrecked him) and shakes the crew chief's hand, telling him that there's no hard feelings and he wishes the 22 team the best of luck in the last few laps. SUCH A NICE DUDE! I was so bummed, I couldn't get the image of his car hitting the wall out of my head for the rest of the night.
8) (Expletive) Metagross
You already know.
7) Medical Licensing Exams
Taking standardized tests suck. Especially with the pressure that your whole future depends on them. To make matters worse, they cost thousands of dollars each. Paying crap tons of money to take a soul-crushing exam. At least I have the comfort of knowing I'll have to take them for the rest of my career...
6) When People Eat Loud
It seriously just goes right through me. It's not hard to be courteous, keep your mouth closed, and don't talk.
5) Windows Update
Here's a thing that happens to me all the time. I get a new game on my compy or I'm about to sit down and write one of my captivating blog posts, and my computer tells me that in 15 minutes it's gonna restart, whether I like it or not. So then I get to stare at this screen for like a half hour before any updates actually happen:
By the time the stupid update happens, the evening is ruined and I have no motivation to do what I was doing before. I'm sure there's a way to turn these off, but there's certainly not an easy or obvious way, and that itself is a problem.
4) The New England Patriots/Kentucky Wildcats
There are many elements to the perfect hate-able team. First and foremost, they should have the most horrible and obnoxious fan base. Second, they should be consistently good, but only because they have a known track record of cheating. The icing on the hate cake is if they have some form of rivalry with your favorite team. The Patriots and Wildcats both fit these criteria so perfectly for me that there's no way I could pick the program I despise the most.
3) Deadpool
Take a look at the above panel. You'll notice that it is cluttered with pee-stained dialogue bubbles that do nothing to advance the story or provide important information to the reader. Did you laugh at anything you read? If you're above the age of 9, I really doubt it. However, if you decide you like reading through pages and pages of unfunny and bloated yammering, Deadpool is just perfect for you! You should celebrate by going to your local comic book store and telling everyone you see how much of a huge Deadpool fan you are. When you're done with that, go buy a Deadpool costume and go to a convention! Your Deadpool costume is your ticket to loudly act like a complete ass in public and meet up with others like you so your boisterous bafoonery can synergize, much to the misery of those around you. The only thing that could be better is if they made a feature film of the character, bringing him into the mainstream limelight to be the idol of all man-children who fancy themselves edgy. Nothing could ever push me to be a bigger fan of Superman than the Deadpool movement.
2) Satan
You would think this would be the worst thing ever, but you're forgetting...
1) Metroid: Other M
The actual worst thing ever. The Metroid franchise was in the middle of it's biggest boon in the 2000s, with hit after hit including the Prime trilogy, Fusion, and Zero Mission. Leave it to Other M to derail Metroid so profoundly that some speculate that it may never recover. Metroid is a series all about subtlety in story and gameplay; Other M had hours of nonsense internal monologue and uninspired action mechanics. Previous games established Samus Aran as a powerful force of nature and truly independent yet silent female protagonist; Other M oversexualized her, made her an unstable emotional mess, and made her unquestioningly and inexplicably follow commands from the most ludicrously inept "military commander" in the history of gaming. It was a game that saw her literally turn back into a child when facing a creature that she has canonically mutilated on at least six previous occasions. And maybe most importantly, it sent us into the second longest drought of Metroid games in the history of the series. I've read blog posts the length of small books dissecting the ways in which this game is an absolute disgrace. It's the worst thing ever, and if I could somehow make a Death Note-esque bargain where I could trade half of my remaining years of life to destroy all memory of this game, I would do it without hesitating.
...So maybe I'm exaggerating, but you can Deal With It. Hope you enjoyed hearing about my Bottom 10. Time to clean my own puke off the keyboard.
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