My thoughts on Doki Doki Literature Club

Note: This post will contain full spoilers for Doki Doki Literature Club. Consider yourself warned if you haven't played it, but let's talk about why you haven't played it. It's cheap (free), short, and good, so you really have no excuse. Go download it right now. Play it. Then come back and read my two cents. 

I have never played (read?) a visual novel before; the closest I've ever come is Fire Emblem. However, every October, like many Americans, I develop a hunger for media that may scare me. I'm not trying to be a tough guy, but it's hard for me to find scary things. So far this season, I've tried novels, comic books, TV shows, and movies, but all to no avail. I read a Kotaku post about a terrifying visual novel called Doki Doki Literature Club, and decided to try it out. It was absolutely successful at scaring me, but more than that, it made me really sad.

DDLC sets itself up as a cutesy yet stereotypical dating sim, and part of the game's fright power is in the juxtaposition between the pink happiness and the tragedies and nightmare fuel that come later. This is apparent right from the start, as this game has a stark and somewhat lengthy content advisory. Going from the advisory to the colorful Japanese main menu made me immediately feel that something was off.

If you still haven't played it despite my above argument, the game follows a generic male high school student (who takes the player's name) and his happy-go-lucky childhood friend, Sayori, as they join the school's Literature Club. The other club members are popular and perfect president Monika, introverted and brainy Yuri, and cute and feisty Natsumi. The protagonist joins the club with the ulterior motive of trying to impress these 'beautiful girls' in the club. You impress them by writing a poem that they would enjoy, which is done by a mini game where you pick words that one of the girls will like. As you get to know the characters, you get subtle hints that these girls are not the living tropes that they appear to be, but all have some complex baggage.

As the first part of the game progresses at a slow-burn pace (just right for letting you get the perfect level of "attached" to the characters). I initially pursued Yuri, whose mystery and shyness intrigued me. During one of our daily walks home, Sayori asked what I would do if Yuri wanted to walk home with me one day. Would I choose to walk with her, or Sayori? Trying to be honest, I chose Yuri, and Sayori seemed supportive with a hint of disappointment. The next day, Sayori, usually energetic and the heart and soul of the club, is quiet and distant. I invited Yuri over to work on the Literature Club's presentation for a school festival over the weekend. Before Yuri comes over, I go over to Sayori's house to check on her. When pressed, she confesses that she has severe depression and has been trying to hide it from me her whole life. Her personal sense of worthlessness makes her feel unworthy of the affection of others, so she pushed me to join the club so I could spend time with new people. She says that she doesn't want me to worry about her, even though that's the exact opposite of what my character does. I leave, and spend a pleasant and slightly romantic afternoon with Yuri. I had almost forgotten about Sayori.

As I walk Yuri to the door, we seem on the verge of a romantic moment, when Sayori suddenly shows up. This startles Yuri, who quickly leaves. Sayori confesses her love for me, but, still interested in Yuri, I promise that I will always be Sayori's lifelong friend (I know, I'm horrible). She states that she also thinks this is best, and we agree to spend the festival together.

The next morning, there is no music, and Sayori fails to meet me to walk to school. As I get to school, I look at the printed poem that Sayori was going to read for the festival, and get a shiver down my spine when I read its twisted contents. My character rushes to Sayori's house, and the game completely takes a turn for the horrid. The image of Saryori's delicate body hanging from the noose is burned into my brain.

The game has previously encouraged the player to save often, so I try to go back and see if I could have prevented this. The game informs me that the save file is corrupted, and starts a new game where Sayori doesn't exist. All sorts of weird glitches, strange text, and warped music occur, and the player almost completely loses control of the game. Eventually it is revealed that Monika, whom the player never had the opportunity to woo, was a self-aware game character who wanted to spend time with me, the person (as opposed to the character). She was the one who pushed Sayori to kill herself, and eventually deleted the other two girls as well.

I'll be honest, the second act of the game, what with the glitches, terrifying text, and strange behavior of the characters, was terrifying. The dev was clearly trying to push the boundaries of interactive media and did so in a remarkable way. For me, however, this wasn't the games biggest impact.

The worst part of the game for me is absolutely Sayori's suicide. During my first run of the game, I wrote her off as a boring, stereotypical character. And while the depression conversation made me look beyond the surface, I didn't fully appreciate her as a character until after she took her own life. As I played through again, I found all sorts of hints of her condition in her dialogue and poetry that I didn't notice the first time. And the most frustrating part was that no matter what you did to try to help her, she still continued to be internally miserable. If you pursued others, her heart broke due to her affections for you. If you tried to love her back, she is plagued with the guilt of her perceived unworthiness of your affection.

And I think this is where the game got a little too real for me. Both personally and professionally, I've crossed paths with countless people that suffer from clinical depression. The game did an excellent job of giving me a firsthand experience with what it must feel like to be depressed. It took this one step further with the suicide. I have been so fortunate to never have known someone personally who has taken their own life, but this game has given me a small taste of what that must feel like. It made me feel the shock and guilt that loved ones of suicide victims must feel on an exponentially greater scale.

As good as the second act of the game was, it did somewhat take away from the impact of Sayori's suicide. We find out that Monika pushed Sayori to suicide, then later deleted her from the game. This de-humanizes Sayori as a character and lessens the contribution of her depression to her ultimate fate. Is this nitpicky? Of course, but I think it's an unfortunate side-effect of the eventual revelation of the game.

Luckily, the game provides a fulfilling ending, but it, like Sayori, is bittersweet. I loved the glitches, lack of control, and gore provided in the second act, but ultimately, the game hit me right in the feels by the least-bizarre horror the game threw at me. It changed the way I view both loved ones and patients that deal with depression, and for that, I am extremely grateful. Even if I'm still sad.   

You'll want to grab your own SAK after I show you all of mine

I have been a knife collector since I was 9 (more on that later). There are a few brands that I am particularly fond of, like CRKT, Benchmade, Spyderco, and Kershaw. All of these manufacturers make mostly locking folders or fixed blades designed as dedicated cutting devices. But those are boring. Why just have a blade when you can have all sorts of tools? Amazingly, it took humanity thousands of years to ask this question, but when they finally did, the Swiss Army Knife (SAK) was born. I have a bunch of these suckers, and I feel like showing them to you. While we're on this journey, I'll try to convince you why you should get one, too.

Here's a list of people who should strongly consider acquiring a SAK:

• Outdoors-y types
• Handymen/Handywomen
• Mechanics
• College Students
• MacGyver
• Men
• Women
• Children responsible enough to handle sharp things
• Human beings

If you fall anywhere on that list, pay close attention to the varied styles of SAKs that I'm about to show you, and consider what SAK may be right for you. With the exception of a few bonus cheap-o knives at the end, all of the following are Victorinox brand knives. There were traditionally two authentic SAK manufacturers: Victorinox and Wenger. Recently, Victorinox purchased Wenger and their designs, so they are the sole manufacturer of authentic, Swiss-made SAKs.

Recruit  

Fun trivia fact, this was my very first knife...ever. My dad gave it to me as a gift when we went on a camping trip when I was 9 years old. As soon as we arrived, I started whittling a stick with it and sliced my finger somethin awful. Intangibles like these can give priceless worth to a $15 piece of plastic and steel. 

Anyway, this knife is one of the most basic SAKs you can get, what with the standard red scales and minimal amount of essential tools. It has two different sized blades, a can opener with a small flat head screwdriver, a bottle opener with a large flat head screwdriver, and the classic tweezers and toothpick that fit into the handle. This model is incredibly popular and can be found almost anywhere. It's also ridiculously affordable, usually retailing for less than 15 bucks. 

Cadet

The Cadet is basically a slightly upgraded Recruit. It replaces the traditional plastic scales with Alox, which I believe is an aluminum alloy. It adds strength to the tool and makes it more slim and carry friendly, at the expense of the tweezers and toothpick. It also substitutes the small blade for a nail file, which I think is a positive change. The file is one of the many SAK tools that you wouldn't think you would need until you have it. The file also has a non-sharpened point that it dubs a nail cleaner. It certainly accels at this task, along with many others. The cool thing about SAKs is that their usefulness is only limited by its user's creativity. This is my second Cadet. I lost my first one (it was silver), but I purchased this one to replace it. I eventually found the old one, and gave it to my brother. A standard production (aka not special limited edition) Cadet will run you about $30 or so.

EvoGrip 16

After purchasing several SAKs, one day I finally stopped and took inventory in my brain regarding which tools would be in my ideal SAK. I came up with the following: knife, scissors, can opener, bottle opener, nail file, phillips screwdriver, tweezers, and toothpick. The Victorinox model that is the closest to this ideal is called the Super Tinker. It has all of these, except a small blade instead of the nail file, and it adds a reamer and hook. But since Victorinox purchased Wenger, it's actually an old Wenger design that most closely aligns with my ideal. 

Wenger had a line of ergonomically contoured SAKs called the Evolution series. Then they one-upped the game by adding embedded rubber inlays for extra grip, aptly named the EvoGrip. When Victorinox absorbed Wenger, they wisely continued producing these unique SAKs, but not before replacing Wenger's bottle opener with their own superior design. The result is the above knife. It has everything on my wish list and only one thing that's not (the reamer). Living up to my hopes for it, it's probably the single most carried knife I own. I paid $30 for this guy. 

Rally

Some of the most prevalent SAKs are the smaller "keychain" models, such as the ubiquitous Classic SD (I'll show you one later). I originally bought this one as a compliment to the Climber (I have since ruined my original Climber, thus it didn't make this list), which I was EDC-ing. This model has a tiny lil blade, along with the tweezers and toothpick. But I bought it for its magnetic phillips screwdriver and nail file, conspicuously missing from the Climber. The Rally is so tiny and weightless that it's no big deal carrying it alongside the bigger SAK. Recently, I've carried it solo in the clinic where knives are forbidden. The minuscule, non-locking blade can't be called a weapon even with the most drastic stretch of the imagination. For this reason, these small SAKs are almost globally legal, even in knife-phobic Europe. I bought my Rally for $15 since it's a less common model, but the Classic SD model is available at most retail stores for 11 bucks.

Limited Edition SAKs

In addition to incredibly useful standard production models sampled above, Victorinox does a great job of consistently producing interesting limited production designs. Obviously these are typically meant to be collected more than used, and I wouldn't necessarily recommend them as a first SAK. But I have a few now, and who else am I going to show them off too?

Gadsden Flag Tinker

Do you have Metallica playing in your head now? If not, why are we friends? Kidding. This one is a Recruit with reamer and phillips screwdriver, and is based on the flag of the original Continental Marines. I think it looks really cool, and represents a timeless image of American history.

Light as a Feather Classic SD 

Every year, Victorinox releases several fan-designed limited-edition versions of the Classic SD model that I mentioned earlier. While many of these are a little too loud for my taste, I really dug this year's Light as a Feather design. The Classic SD has a tiny blade, scissors, nail file, tweezers, and toothpick. This is basically my new clinic knife. My wife also has a Classic SD that she keeps in her purse. It's pink.

Ranger Topo Map

This knife is a bit of a big boy, with 2 blades, 4 different-sized flat head screwdrivers, can and bottle openers, scissors, wood and metal saw, nail file, hook, corkscrew, and reamer. A little big for everyday use, but I may use it for camping someday. I bought it because I couldn't resist the awesome map pattern. 

Climber Gold

I like to think I've saved the coolest for last. This was a recent limited edition inspired by the recent Olympic games in Rio. It is coated in 24 carat gold, which is classy af. It comes with a certificate of authenticity regarding the gold and the 20,000 produced (admittedly, a large number for a limited run). I'll carry it when I need to be extra classy, but I definitely won't use it very hard.

Bonus Round: Fun Cheapo Generics

There are tons of "made in China" SAKs. They are often used as advertising platforms or souvenirs. They're fun to pick up and usually inexpensive, but I rarely carry them due to their poor production quality. The wooden one was a gift from my grandma, and the small white one has some cool etching based on the ethically questionable art form of scrimshaw. 

In Conclusion

If I could recommend any style of knife to a first-time knife owner, it would be a Swiss Army Knife, for the following reasons. Since most models have small non-locking blades, they are typically culturally viewed as tools as opposed to weapons and are less frequently banned or frowned upon. Please don't try to take them on a plane or government buildings though. In addition, the crazy amount of tools that can be present allow for way more versatility than a single blade. Finally, Victorinox SAKs are incredible values. The most loaded models can get a little pricey, but most models are less than $50, and many are $30 or less. A lot of people give me crap for spending $60-$100 on a knife, but Victorinox keeps things reasonable for knife newbies. 

GIPL V

Normally when one of my more highly-anticipated games releases, I try to finish games that I've started before the release. Well, considering this has been a busy summer full of traveling as far west as Las Vegas and as far east as Philadelphia, I just haven't had the time to finish games like I normally do. That being said, I think I've finished enough to do a few micro reviews.

Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet (PC)

A refreshing if brief Metroidvania, ITSP allows the player to pilot a UFO through a planet that may or not be alive a growing. The movement in this game is incredibly interesting, as the UFO can fly freely. This opens up the game to more interesting spacial puzzles than most Metroidvania games present, and the abilities likewise were novel and well-utilized. I was a bit disappointed by the game's length, as I was able to beat it in only two sittings. Either way, this is a must-play if you enjoy exploration platformers.

My GIPL Rating: A+

Specter of Torment (3DS)

As a complete package, there may be no better game released in the 2010s than Shovel Knight. The original was a bona-fide masterpiece. Plague of Shadows provided some extra bang for the buck, told a heartwarming story, and challenged the player to think of old levels in new ways. Specter of Torment, however, elevates Shovel Knight to a new level. The mechanics were intuitive to learn but tricky to master, but movement in a game has rarely felt so fun. Many levels were re-worked, offering some refreshing changes. I didn't care much for the remixed music, but this is probably only because I'm so infatuated with the original soundtrack. The story was excellent, and it's amazing how much depth has been added to the universe with this installment alone. You've probably played this already, but if not...what are you waiting for?

My GIPL Rating: S

Castlevania: Order of Ecclisea (DS)

My quest through the -vania contributors of the Metroidvania subgenre brings me to Order of Ecclisea. I always appreciate not playing as a Belmont, and Shanoa is a fun protagonist to use, both in terms of design and abilities. Fiddling with combinations of powers was a blast, and there was a ton of variety to the combat. That being said, this game was balls hard on the normal difficulty. Shanoa takes Fusion-esque damage from hits, which was a bit unforgiving at times. I'm all for a challenge, but I think this could probably be scaled back a bit for a standard difficulty. The smaller intro levels were a welcome addition before the giant castle was introduced and traversed. While the game didn't quite stand up to the Sorrow games, I still enjoyed it quite a bit.

My GIPL Rating: A-

Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime (PC)

Mickey and I hang out every few months, and we try to play (and usually complete) a new co-op game during these get-togethers. I stumbled upon this game a while back, and I have to say it was one of the most fun co-ops I've ever played. Two characters platform through the undermanned ship to operate 4 upgradable turrets, pilot the ship itself, change the direction of the shield, and fire a powerful Yamato cannon. The players must navigate a series of open-ended levels to collect scattered pieces of love, man. This main mode was great, but a few alternate modes, including a shoot-em-up, were thrown in for variety. Again, this game was short, but it felt like every moment was maximally enjoyable. Next time you and a buddy need a trust exercise, go straight to this game.

My GIPL Rating: A+

Shantae and the Pirate's Curse (PC)

So I was pretty hard on this game's predecessor, Risky's Revenge, and I stand by my assessment of that critically-acclaimed game. I was pleased, however, by how much Pirate's Curse vastly improved over RR. The game keeps its wonderful pixel art, colorful and unique world, and bomb soundtrack. It adds a much-needed Metroid-style map, and key items throughout the game are found in mandatory locations, not randomly stashed away in unsuspecting caves like the previous game. These major improvements make the game much easier to play, and the challenge and length of the game are about perfect. If I had one thing bad to say about Pirate's Curse, it's that this game is a bit too thirsty for my taste. Doesn't really fit with the innocent and cartoony asthetic of the game, IMO. 

My GIPL Rating: A-

Pokemon Gold (3DS Virtual Console)

Okay so I haven't finished this one yet, but I've beaten this game so many times I'm gonna list it anyway. I don't know why, but it seems like this game has aged significantly better than Red and Blue. Maybe it's the improved sprites, added mechanics, or full-color world, but I've felt compelled to keep playing this one, whereas I stopped playing Virtual Console Red after about 4 badges. Either way, this game has been a great half-hour-a-day adventure for me.

My GIPL Rating: E for Espeon, the best eeveelution

Metroid: Samus Returns (3DS)

I already spent quite a lot of time talking about this game, so let's just leave it there. Read below if you haven't yet. I would like to be clear about one thing: it felt so good to be playing a new official Metroid again. In spite of missing the thematic marks a bit and taking a chance with new controls that, personally, weren't as good as previous 2D games, this was still an incredibly fun and big Metroid experience. I hope tons of people buy and play it, and we can get more games like this in the near future. 

My GIPL Rating: A

F-Zero GX (GC)

*dusts off shoulders* Yeah, I beat this one. It took a lot of patience and a few different sittings, but I eventually powered through the 9 infamous story missions of this racing masterpiece. This experience felt equivalent to finishing Super Meat Boy. It made me think: I'm not the most skilled gamer in the world, but games that require incredible resilience, games that require you to try and fail over and over again to build up perfect muscle memory...I'm pretty good at those games if I put my mind to it. Now that we have a new Metroid game, I'm gonna hop on the "give us a new F-Zero, Nintendo!" train. As a side note, Animal Crossing fans are now the biggest whiners about a new release, but I feel like they've had it pretty good with New Leaf and how much support that game has gotten in the memorable past. Quit whining you bums, it's been 14 years since the last F-Zero game, and those are way better than Animal Crossing (shots fired).

My GIPL Rating: gkdjgflagsdlfg

That's it for now. Unfortunately, no bad games for me to rip apart this time around. I'll try to play some bad ones next time. Hit me up on the Twitter! And hey, let's all remember to be nice to each other out there.   

You put your hands in the air

And then stick out your rear end

And then you wiggle it real hard

And you hug your closest friend...

...Now slap a camel because this could be your only chance

This is the cool patrol dance!

-NSP

Samus has Indeed Returned

As William Shakesman once said:

"Brevity is the soul of wit."

Luckily I never claimed to have wit. Ladies and gentlemen, Samus has returned, and I have as many opinions about this game as there have been years since the last good Metroid game. I'll try to be brief, but we both know better, don't we. But this will be pure thoughts. No headings, no pictures, just me translating my thoughts into kinetic motion that is recorded by an electronic device and translates that motion into digital information that is interpreted by your browser as my original thoughts. Pretty weird, when you think about it. Full spoilers, turn back now!

Truthfully, there is a lot to love about Samus Returns. First and foremost, the game looked amazing, probably better than any 3DS title I've played. It was blissful to watch a fully-animated Samus in a 2D game. At one point I stopped and noticed that Samus could twist at the hip and shoot behind her, or point her cannon straight down to Wave Beam an unsuspecting creature below the floor. These are natural postures that we've never seen the huntress make, and it was beyond cool to see a more naturally-moving Samus. The environments looked great, and the 3D effects were utilized brilliantly. The Metroid designs were wonderful and the Omega Metroids looked particularly ferocious. We all knew having the map on the bottom screen simultaneously with gameplay would be wonderful, and so it was. The pins were a nice touch as well.

Speaking of the map, I appreciated how big this game was; easily the biggest 2D Metroid to date. People have harped on M2's more linear design, but it's hard to complain in Samus Returns when each Area is the size of Super Metroid's Norfair. Items were well-hidden without ever feeling impossible, and I am absolutely planning to travel back to get 100%. But not right now. My wrist hurts too much. It's 1:43 am right now and I've been playing this game since 11:00 am yesterday, with a few breaks in between. This is what happens when I get a day off. 

The new abilities were hit-or-miss. I thought the new Aeion abilities were pretty good, and a welcome change. Some people are complaining about the scan ability that let's you see trick blocks, but it didn't bother me. If you really feel that bombing every tile is a more noble form of "exploring" than using limited, pooled energy to take a brief look at your surroundings, then simply ignore it. I can't say I used it too much. I really liked the rapid fire ability. Samus should have had this kind of firepower decades ago.

Let's talk about the melee counter. First of all, I do kind of like the idea of a Samus that punches fools in the face (more on that in a minute). It makes since that such a well-armed bounty hunter would have close-combat capabilities. My problem is how necessary the melee counter was to combat, especially in the early game. You could try to chop away at enemies from a distance, but there are two major reasons why this doesn't work. First, the firepower isn't there. It takes too long to kill enemies this way, and most of them will come up to you before you kill them at a distance, and you'll just use the counter anyway. Second, while 360-degree aiming is nice, it comes at the expense of being able to move and aim at the same time. This is a major bummer for me. 2D Metroid games are all about movement. While you're frying an enemy with your cannon, you can close the gap on him, keep progressing through the room, or tactically retreat. If your're aiming in SR, you're standing still. Didn't really care for it. I'll take 8-directional shooting with full movement any day of the week. Ain't never had a problem putting energy beams exactly where I want them to go.

As you have probably noticed, the title "Samus Returns" carries some meta-subtext. Not only is it a rewording of the game it's based on (Return of Samus, if that wasn't clear), but it signifies the protagonist's return from a long hiatus. Las time we saw Samus, she was in a slim, more feminized power suit, that she inexplicably powered down during every cut scene; cut scenes where imbecile men told her what to do and she obeyed their ever word. In between these moments, she rambled on and on about her feelings for an alien life form that she had no problem condemning to a life as a scientific test subject just a few months prior. Needless to say, this was not a popular interpretation of perhaps the greatest icon of empowered women in gaming. Fear not, though, dear reader, for not only has Samus RETURNED, but SAMUS has returned. This is the Samus that I have unapologetically admired since I learned of her existence. The first time the player sees her on the title screen, she's sitting at the pilot's chair of her gunship like a monkeyflippin Bond villain. The first and only look you get at the face under the visor is one of pure fury. As the great Starbomb noted, "when she wasn't totally pissed she was extremely annoyed." There's more bulk to her suit, and an "angry brow" to her visor. She punches enemies in the face, then fires lasers right up their rectum (honest!). 

The game peaks with a fight against an original boss, one who recurs throughout the adventure. The giant mechanical golem is a fierce opponent, but one of the all-time great Samus moments puts an exclamation point on its defeat. As Samus turns her back to the machine and and calmly struts toward her power bomb upgrade, the boss makes a last ditch effort to kill Samus. Without taking her eyes off of the Chozo orb, Samus readies a charge beam and blasts the giant right in the face. This evoked a series of "ooooooooh"'s from this fanboy, but they were muted because it was late and my roommate was sleeping.

Unfortunately, the game only went downhill from here.

Instead of meticulously detailing all my hyper-fan nitpicking, I will summarize my major problems with this game in one simple concept: Tone. As I discussed in my AM2R "review", Metroid 2 has the most unique tone in all of the Metroid games. I argue that it's the bleakest, loneliest, and most melancholy of the series. There's very little since of bombastic adventure or clear-cut good vs. evil that is present in Metroid or Super M. One of the biggest contributors to this feeling when I play the original M2 is the gray-scale graphics with a stark black background. Admittedly, a graphics change with more varied environments and additional color is almost as necessary as a map in order to responsibly make an updated version of the game. I reluctantly accept this to be true, and even noted this on my AM2R piece, but it is one area where M2 made the best of its limitations. 

So there's the concept, let's talk about specific examples. The entire adventure of Metroid 2 is an exercise in going farther and farther underground through a network of labyrinthine tunnels. As Samus gets farther and farther away from natural light, her gunship, and civilization, the sense of danger and dread builds. It feels like the tunnels of SR388 will stretch on endlessly, leading to even more dreadful terrors. I think this is what lets me accept the stark back background of M2. While adding some color and environments, AM2R is also consistent about keeping the dark aesthetic and tone. Samus Returns ditches this idea for random environments that don't end up making any sense. About a third of the way through the adventure, you find what looks to be a well-lit underground dam. You walk in a door a few screens over, and suddenly you're surrounded by lava and intense heat. What are we going for, there? This may sound nit picky, but the lack of attention to detail leads to a pretty derailing turn later in the game. 

My biggest grievance in the game comes in how the ending is handled, in both environmental subtleties and events. 

In the original M2, there were areas of ruin and hints of the lost Chozo civilization, but most of the Metroids did not hang out in these areas. They were found in their own lairs that were rich in natural flora. "Nests", if you will. You see, Metroids were an introduced species to SR388, artificially created by the Chozo. Unfortunaly, they destroyed over 80% of the ecosystem of SR388, which resulted in the barren rock experienced by the player. The Metroids have no interest in the lost technology of the Chozo. They wipe out most of the life on SR388 and take over the planet, conforming its landscape to their needs. 

This principle is highlighted in one of my favorite areas of the game: Area 7, AKA the Omega Nest. A dark, narrow, and overgrown area where 3 Omega Metroids reside. This is really the last big test before the final boss. After they are defeated, there is only 1 Metroid left on the counter. You move along to Area 8, which has a suspicious tranquility about it. There are no hazards, power ups, or enemies; only waterfalls along with energy and missile refills. Like I've mentioned before, I always interpreted this as a time of intended reflection, thinking about what you have done and what you're about to do to finish the job. As you work your way through this area, you come across a huge opening. You space jump up and up and up, and are finally shocked to find a massive glass laboratory that contrasts starkly with the natural Omega Nest you were just in. This, of course, is the lab the Chozo built when they originally created the Metroids. This should go without saying that this may be the most consequential location in the Metroid universe. It is very plausible that the last Metroid on your counter may be the original, sentinel creature of the species. As you go through the first entrance. You find a Chozo Statue holding the ice beam, almost as if the Chozo knew you might need it someday. It is implied the Metroids know this as well, as the statue has been partially destroyed and the ice beam is casually off to the side. As you make your way further inside the abandoned and wrecked lab....SURPRISE! The Metroid counter goes up to 9, accompanied by the game's characteristic creepy music swelling. You then fight several of the classic, larval Metroids, that presumably have hatched since Samus arrived on the planet. After they are defeated, the music changes to a frantic, alarm like tone and you can hear the Gameboy's best effort at a distant roar. You drop through a gap in the floor, the screen fades to black, and when it fades back in...(hit play now).

The Gameboy's tiny speaker tries to make you hear what was absolutely intended to sound exactly like what you're listening to, and a giant Metroid Queen roars in your face. In one of the most underrated boss fights of the entire series, Samus defeats the Queen. She then finds a lone egg, which hatches and imprints on Samus. She spares it, and the two begin a peaceful quest back to the surface of the planet. No enemies stand in their way, and the two get in the gunship and leave the planet, and the credits roll. 

This ending is a stark juxtaposition against most other Metroid games. The original Metroid blew players' minds by rewarding their defeat of a grueling final boss by an intensely unexpected escape sequence, and almost every Metroid game since has tried to replicate that. While it's totally fine to keep that tradition alive, I really appreciate M2 doing what I believe was a very intentional opposite. As I mentioned earlier, there was a very real sense of dread and isolation, more so than any other game in the series, throughout Metroid 2, but the ending offers a sliver of optimism and a companion. Now that I've rambled on about the ending of M2, let's compare with the ending of Samus Returns. 

Samus Returns' Omega Nest isn't a nest at all, but rather a lab. While you could argue that they decided to have the "big lab reveal" here instead of later, it doesn't feel like a big reveal or highly significant moment, because Samus has been wondering through technologically advanced areas the entire game. There's no contrast to highlight this development. As Samus moves to Area 8, the waterfalls have been replaced with Metroid goop and there are enemies, puzzles, and powerups everywhere. Gone is the uncomfortable silence that made the player stop and think; instead, this area doesn't feel any different from the rest of the game. As she makes her way to the giant cave and up to where the lab used to be, it's just a big Metroid nest. So yes, the lab was where the nest should be, and the nest was where the lab should be. You no longer have the pleasure of going into this historically significant location, you're instead just going to kill some more Metroids like you've been doing the whole game. 

Admittedly, I did get the same rush as in M2 and AM2R when the Metroid counter rose and I once again began battling larval Metroids. When the last one is defeated, a wonderful roar of rage that shakes the foundation of the planet can be heard. The battle with the Queen and the encounter with the infant Metroid were both outstanding.

As the Metroid and Samus left the caves and made their way to the surfect, I couldn't help but feel uneasy as they continued to battle scrub enemies and find more power ups. As they broke through the surface, they are greeted not with a tranquil night sky seen in the other two games, but rather a wicked neon green storm. It was at that point that I knew we were up for a secret final boss, and, unfortunately I knew who it was going to be. 

Surely enough, as the unlikely duo make their way to the gunship, Ridley comes flying in for an uninspiring final fight. His inclusion completed the abandonment of a thoughtful ending for the sake of cheap thrills and nostalgia. 

First, there's no canonical reason Ridley should be present on SR388. The events of Super Metroid take place immediately after M2, and as we all know, Ridley stealing the infant Metroid from the Ceres Space Station is the first thing to happen in Super. So if Samus just handed Ridley an ass-whooping, how is it that he completely recovers and tails Samus only to defeat her himself? I actually don't care, because there's a much bigger problem. 

As I have gone on record saying, the most unique characteristic of Metroid games is their ability to tell a story with subtlety within the context of the game engine and the gameplay itself. Even with severe hardware limitations, M2 brilliantly accomplishes this. From the natural horror of the Omegas, to the artificial yet abandoned glass lab, to the uplifting and action-free epilogue, Metroid 2 had a consistent tone that intentionally made the player feel things. Now maybe you didn't notice these things...but your brain did (s/o to Plinkett). It's clear to me that this subtlety was completely lost on the devs of Samus Returns. Instead of subtext, they shoved as much action to the player as they could, with the most shoehorned boss of the entire series as the grand finale; all in an attempt to make people go "DUUUDE IT'S RIDLEY! RAAADICAL." It didn't make any sense, and it destroyed the tone of the original game.

Now maybe I'm the only person who noticed these things. More likely, I'm the only one who cares. But I think it demotes Metroid 2 from an imperfect game that impressively had deeper implications into a more blockbuster-styled action game. Did I still thoroughly enjoy the game in spite of this? You bet your butt I did. You don't play a game for 12 hours in one day if you don't enjoy it. I think it was a great return for the series and hopefully the response will lead to more 2D Metroid action (who's ready for a Fusion follow up???). I just think MecurySteam missed the tone of the original. In this light, AM2R is all the more impressive, as it was able to modernize the game but still stay faithful to the key subtleties that elevated the game to another level. If you're wondering, I absolutely prefer AM2R to Samus Returns. It gets the tone, has more interesting movement and combat, and honestly has a greater amount of original content. Playing Samus Returns really just made me want to go revisit  AM2R. 

Sorry for the ramble, I hope my musings made sense. Tweet at me if you want. See you next mission!

Top 9 Fire Emblem Waifus and Husbandos

It is very late and I am very tired. I also don't feel like going to bed. So I'm going to halfheartedly do a post that I've always thought would be fun but never had enough motivation to pull the trigger on. My top 9 Waifus and Husbandos (am I using those terms correctly? I'm not a Weeb so idk) from Fire Emblem. Not necessarily a list of my favorite characters, but characters I would totally marry if I existed in the various FE universes. Only doing characters from games I've played, not counting Heroes. Ladies first.

9. Rebecca (FE7)- has a cutesy hometown girl vibe, and I love me some archers
8. L'Arachael (FE8)- would never be a dull moment with her reckless "holy war" attitude; royalty is a plus (spoilers?)
7. Cherche (Awakening)- redheads and Wyvern Riders will both be on this list again, Cherche makes up for slightly bland personality because she brings both to the table
6. Effie (Conquest)- always wanted to be with a woman than can bench press me. Real talk, if I'm married to Effie and someone breaks into our house trying to murder us, I'm gonna hide and let her handle it
5. Setsuna (Birthright)- the top five ladies were really competitive for me. Setsuna get's major points for her awesome short hair and being an archer, but the ditzy-ness holds her back a bit
4. Lyn (FE7)- Fire Emblem version of a Native American (very cool), also happens to be royalty. Extra points for strong, independent woman archetype
3. Scarlet (Birthright)- also short hair, rides a wyvern, has cute freckles, and a lot of heart
2. Anna (Awakening)- redhead with substantial cute factor, versatile skills, and good with money
1. Camilla (Conquest)- tried not to but couldn't. Super attractive, prioritizes family, whole-heartedly dedicated, and rides a dragon. 'Nuff said.  

Now for the fellas!

9. Heath (FE7)- just try to imagine what it would be like to marry someone with the confidence to wear his hair like Bon Jovi used to. Kind of a joke but not really
8. Lon'qu (Awakening)- strong silent type with hair like Spike Spiegel. Maybe endearing that he gets embarrassed around women
7. Gaius (Awakening)- kind of a bad boy but a kid at heart, which is a great combination
6. Leo (Conquest)- wise and carries a quiet strength without coming off as prideful or arrogant (depending on who you ask, I suppose)
5. Joshua (FE8)- the kind of guy who tries to act like a scoundrel but truly is the farthest thing from one. Major bonus for wearing a pirate hat
4. Xander (Conquest)- strong leader who can do the right thing even in tough situations or when others are pressuring him to do otherwise
3. Hector (FE7)- most powerful warrior in his country's most powerful army. Will dunk on bad guys with his axe and isn't afraid to have fun doing it
2. Saber (Echoes)- insanely attractive, has an eye patch and wonderful hair. 50% tough guy/scoundrel, 50% heart of gold. Has similar appeal to Han Solo, but even more handsome
1. Niles (Conquest)- insanely attractive, has an eye patch and wonderful hair. Has an air of mystery that draws you in like a black hole, and is light-hearted enough to be fun to spend time with

This was fun even if it was dumb. I think I'm tired enough to go to bed now. Tweet your favorite Waifus and Husbandos to me if you want. I want to talk about Fire Emblem characters more. Just in general. Like let's have an argument about Fire Emblem characters. I'll start. Ryoma is stupid. There now you go.

BOTTOM 10

You know what has supersaturated this blog? Positivity. Too often the word "favorite" or "top" is used. It's time to introduce a little whining. In honor of a classic SBemail, here is my Bottom 10.

10) Pop Music

I probably don't talk about music enough on this blog. At the risk of being called a music snob, I typically like to listen stuff that expresses creativity in either music or lyrics, preferably both. The problem with music, like with any artistic medium, is that the deeper it gets, the more specific a group typically is impacted by it. Pop music dials this back to the extreme, stripping music down from anything creative or boundary-pushing and boiling it down to generic lyrics and the most basic of chord progressions and synthesized rhythm sections. It is designed to be as annoyingly catchy as possible so you'll remember the song as it forces its way into your head until you buy the album. It's not art, it's business...and I hate it.   

9) That sinking feeling when your team/guy totally blows it on the big stage...

I am a huge fan of sports, particularly NFL and NASCAR (and college basketball- more on that later). When your team/driver makes it to the championship, the stakes are high. Win the ultimate prize, or suffer the ultimate defeat. Here are two examples of the latter.

First, let's go back to Super Bowl XLVIII, where my Indianapolis Colts played the Saints of New Orleans. Indy is off to a great start, but NO mounts an incredible comeback and takes the lead by a touchdown. Peyton Manning, maybe the second or third best QB ever, starts charging down the field with minutes to go, hoping to lead his team on a game-tying drive. Then this happens:

Game over, and I'm in a horrible mood for a week. 

Example #2 happened last year in NASCAR. For those of you who don't know how NASCAR playoffs work (I'm assuming that's most of you), a set of 16 drivers are eliminated to four over the course of nine races, and whoever finishes the best among those final four drivers in the last race is the series champion (all other drivers still race). My favorite driver at the time (he no longer competes) was Carl Edwards, a talented driver and overall nice guy. Carl was in the Championship 4 and had been dominating the race. He led the contenders with 10 laps to go, when caution was called for debris on the track. The field bunches back up, runs a few caution laps, and gets ready for a restart. Keep an eye on my boy in the orange car:

There's no coming back from that one, and Carl sees a championship slip away. Despite the crushing disappointment, Carl runs over to the 22 pit box (guy that wrecked him) and shakes the crew chief's hand, telling him that there's no hard feelings and he wishes the 22 team the best of luck in the last few laps. SUCH A NICE DUDE! I was so bummed, I couldn't get the image of his car hitting the wall out of my head for the rest of the night.

8) (Expletive) Metagross

You already know. 

7) Medical Licensing Exams

Taking standardized tests suck. Especially with the pressure that your whole future depends on them. To make matters worse, they cost thousands of dollars each. Paying crap tons of money to take a soul-crushing exam. At least I have the comfort of knowing I'll have to take them for the rest of my career...

6) When People Eat Loud

It seriously just goes right through me. It's not hard to be courteous, keep your mouth closed, and don't talk. 

5) Windows Update

Here's a thing that happens to me all the time. I get a new game on my compy or I'm about to sit down and write one of my captivating blog posts, and my computer tells me that in 15 minutes it's gonna restart, whether I like it or not. So then I get to stare at this screen for like a half hour before any updates actually happen: 

By the time the stupid update happens, the evening is ruined and I have no motivation to do what I was doing before. I'm sure there's a way to turn these off, but there's certainly not an easy or obvious way, and that itself is a problem. 

4) The New England Patriots/Kentucky Wildcats

There are many elements to the perfect hate-able team. First and foremost, they should have the most horrible and obnoxious fan base. Second, they should be consistently good, but only because they have a known track record of cheating. The icing on the hate cake is if they have some form of rivalry with your favorite team. The Patriots and Wildcats both fit these criteria so perfectly for me that there's no way I could pick the program I despise the most.

3) Deadpool

Take a look at the above panel. You'll notice that it is cluttered with pee-stained dialogue bubbles that do nothing to advance the story or provide important information to the reader. Did you laugh at anything you read? If you're above the age of 9, I really doubt it. However, if you decide you like reading through pages and pages of unfunny and bloated yammering, Deadpool is just perfect for you! You should celebrate by going to your local comic book store and telling everyone you see how much of a huge Deadpool fan you are. When you're done with that, go buy a Deadpool costume and go to a convention! Your Deadpool costume is your ticket to loudly act like a complete ass in public and meet up with others like you so your boisterous bafoonery can synergize, much to the misery of those around you. The only thing that could be better is if they made a feature film of the character, bringing him into the mainstream limelight to be the idol of all man-children who fancy themselves edgy. Nothing could ever push me to be a bigger fan of Superman than the Deadpool movement. 

2) Satan

You would think this would be the worst thing ever, but you're forgetting...

1) Metroid: Other M

The actual worst thing ever. The Metroid franchise was in the middle of it's biggest boon in the 2000s, with hit after hit including the Prime trilogy, Fusion, and Zero Mission. Leave it to Other M to derail Metroid so profoundly that some speculate that it may never recover. Metroid is a series all about subtlety in story and gameplay; Other M had hours of nonsense internal monologue and uninspired action mechanics. Previous games established Samus Aran as a powerful force of nature and truly independent yet silent female protagonist; Other M oversexualized her, made her an unstable emotional mess, and made her unquestioningly and inexplicably follow commands from the most ludicrously inept "military commander" in the history of gaming. It was a game that saw her literally turn back into a child when facing a creature that she has canonically mutilated on at least six previous occasions. And maybe most importantly, it sent us into the second longest drought of Metroid games in the history of the series. I've read blog posts the length of small books dissecting the ways in which this game is an absolute disgrace. It's the worst thing ever, and if I could somehow make a Death Note-esque bargain where I could trade half of my remaining years of life to destroy all memory of this game, I would do it without hesitating.

...So maybe I'm exaggerating, but you can Deal With It. Hope you enjoyed hearing about my Bottom 10. Time to clean my own puke off the keyboard. 

 

 

GIPL 4

With the release of Pokemon Sun and Moon last fall, I tried to finish several games that I had previously started but left hanging. Combine that with the extra free time I had over my holiday break, and we have a lot of micro reviews to go through. Let's not waste any more time.

Super Mario RPG (Wii Virtual Console)

After finishing EarthBound, I still had a craving for a non-traditional RPG. Super Mario RPG has a lot of hype on the internet, so I gave it a shot. While I enjoyed the combination of turn-based and real time combat and the quirky characters and environments, the lack of challenge or any real depth/difficulty made this game fall a bit short for me. Of course, it did follow EarthBound, so maybe it never really had a chance for greatness in my book. 

My GIPL Rating: B-

Outland (PC)

I'm always looking for new indie Metroidvania games to try, and this one is the latest one that I took a crack at. While I was initially drawn to the art style, I found that the meat of this game was lacking a bit, especially as a Metroidvania. The red/blue mechanic was nice, but some of the puzzles that resulted from this mechanic didn't seem like they were very well thought out. The combat was lackluster, and many of the abilities were pretty useless in the long run. Finally, it was more linear than I prefer my Metroidvania games. It wasn't a bad game by any stretch, but compared to Guacamelee! or the other indie Metroidvania further down on this list, this one can't quite compete.

My GIPL Rating: C+

Injustice: Gods Among US (PC)

I was in a crazy DC phase a few weeks ago while watching Justice League Unlimited. I had a hankerin' for a video game with these characters, so I picked up this fighting game. It scratched the itch, but I haven't really picked it up since. The story was interesting, but the nature of fighting games makes the delivery lackluster. I had fun while I played it, but spent more time with another similar game that will appear below. 

My GIPL Rating: C

Wario Land 4 (GBA)

Below Pokemon and Metroid, Wario (particularly the Wario Land series) is my favorite gaming franchise. They have always been a playground for Nintendo to try stuff too offbeat for a Mario game, and almost everything they try is gold. Wario Land 4 may be the pinnacle of this. I don't think I've ever played a platformer where every single level, every single mechanic, and every single aesthetic design is so unique and varied. At least once per level I chuckled out loud with glee over some feature or moment, garnering some weird looks when I stood in line to vote. People complain that this game is too short, but I don't care if a game is 5 hours if all 5 hours provide an original and innovative gaming experience. Try this one if you haven't yet.

My GIPL Rating: A+

Pazuru (3DS)

If you're confused by what you see above, the ball (left of screen) travels on its own in the direction opposite its tail (so down, in the above case). The A button makes blocks appear or disappear, or rotates certain blocks, etc. You basically want the ball to collect all of the stars in a few turns as possible. Still confused? Just look it up on the eshop. I had a lot of fun with this simple puzzle game, even taking the time to 100% it. I got it for super cheap during a sale, but if it interests you, it's worth picking up at regular price.
My GIPL Rating: B

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (PlayStation...I totally didn't emulate it)

I finally reached the point where I couldn't continue to call myself a Metroidvania fan without playing the other half of the namesake. If you're one of the rare people who doesn't own a PlayStation console or Xbox 360 (like I don't), it can be hard to find a legit copy of this game, which is what held me back. I eventually...solved that problem and gave it a go. I'll save the meat of my thoughts on this game for it's upcoming face-off with Super Metroid, but I enjoyed it decently. Kind of like Super Mario RPG, didn't quite live up to internet hype.

My GIPL Rating: A-

Mortal Kombat (2011) (PC)

So I got this one during the same sale as Injustice, and as soon as I finished Injustice I played through the MK remake. I had dabbled with this game before in college, but I enjoyed having some time to explore the game myself. There are so many cool characters that I want to master, and doing all of the fatalities is so much fun. I put a lot more hours into this game than Injustice, and definitely consider it the better fighting game. 

My GIPL Rating: B+

Donkey Kong Country (3DS Virtual Console)

So for some reason when this game came to the New 3DS eshop, I got really excited and bought it. I have no idea why, just like I have no idea why this game is so popular. I get that the graphics were somewhat revolutionary, but a 3D model in 2D space just makes for a really imprecise platformer. There are several cheap shots, and I can't hardly stand playing a game with finite lives anymore. I powered through this one just to say I finished it. Doubt I'll ever touch it or any of its sequels again. 

My GIPL Rating: D

Axiom Verge (PC)

By far the best of the indie Metroidvania titles on this list. I initially was kind of turned off by how identical the game looks to the original Metroid on the surface. However, the repeating tiles and an open-ended 2D world with hidden items and backtracking are really where the similarities of the two games end. Axiom Verge has enterprisingly original items, abilities, and setting. It tells an ambiguous story that has sparked a lot of fan theories and has a feel that's completely unique and alien, but not in the same way Metroid games are. The world is absolutely huge, but is well-compartmentalized and easy to navigate. It's an instant hit for me, and one of the most highly recommended games on this version of GIPL.

My GIPL Rating: A+

Kirby's Adventure (3DS Virtual Console)

This game is incredibly impressive for an NES title. As far as content and aesthetic, this game could almost pass as a SNES game. Yeah, it's a little easy, but that's kind of what you get when you play a Kirby game. It's more about relaxing and trying out new abilities that you've absorbed from enemies than intense challenge. Kirby's Adventure is the perfect lighthearted romp at the end of a stressful day.

My GIPL Rating: B

BoxBoy (3DS)

From one HAL Laboratory game to another, BoxBoy is a relatively new IP from the minds that came up with Kirby. BoxBoy is more puzzle and less platformer. I imagine that this game would best be played in pieces, like one of the 22 worlds in every sitting. Toward the end of my time with this game, I was really pushing to get it done, and lost some enjoyment as a result. 100% completing the game didn't help. This game is just fine as a puzzle game, but it doesn't hold up to Portal, a game it's often compared to, for some reason. 

My GIPL Rating: B-

Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones (GBA)

My quest to play all of the western-released Fire Emblem games continues with Sacred Stones. Compared to Blazing Sword (see GIPL 3.0), I appreciate the overworld map to get my bearings and organize my inventory. I didn't particularly find the optional skirmishes useful or necessary, but they're there to take advantage of if the player so desires. The story was solid, but many of the characters were lackluster. Since characterization is so central to a Fire Emblem game, this unfortunately drags the game down to my least favorite one that I've played so far. 

My GIPL Rating: B+

Dr. Mario (3DS Virtual Console)

I just realized that I've Played a lot of puzzle Games Lately. I had a few extra bucks lying around, and I've never actually played this Tetris rip-off. If you're in a Tetris mood but don't want to play actual Tetris, Dr. Mario is a perfectly acceptable substitute. It has a bit of a steeper learning curve than the insanely intuitive Tetris, but once you get the idea, it can be an addictive challenge. Perfect poop game. 

My GIPL Rating: B

Pokemon Moon (3DS)

After an unusually long time without a main-series release, Pokemon finally has its official Seventh (!) generation. Here's the dealio: The reports of S&M (heh) "changing up the formula" were waaaay overblown. After crawling through an agonizing two hour tutorial, you still:
1) Go to place
2) Catch Pokemon
3) Fight somewhat strong person
4) Repeat 1-3 a few times
5) Acknowledge the existence of ineffective Pokemon gang
6) Befriend a deity Pokemon for some reason
7) Become the champion of not only Pokemon battling, but also friendship and hugging
Some of the new designs are really good (I'm actually a pretty huge fan of Mimikyu, this gen's Espurr), but that's really the only reason to keep coming back for more. It may not be enough by the time we get to Gen VIII.
My GIPL Rating: C

Guacamelee! STCE 100% Hard Mode Co-Op (PC)

I've raved about this game on multiple occasions, so I'm not gonna continue to bore you with the same old stuff. Over the course of two long yet fun gaming sessions, me and Mickey did a co-op 100% hard mode run. We Plat'd this one to boot. Don't believe me? Check my Steam. 

My GIPL Rating: M for strong chicken violence

Severed (3DS)

Speaking of Guacamelee, Severed is a completely different outing by the same devs, DrinkBox Studios. It's a first-person action/adventure game with some light RPG elements. It takes place in a Aztec-looking underworld filled with gross-looking monsters. The game goes between dungeon crawling with some Zelda/Metroid Prime-esque environmental puzzles, and combat sequences that are basically a more complex version of Fruit Ninja. The art direction will be familiar to Guacamelee fans, and the darker mood is a lot of fun. I even enjoyed the combat more than I thought I would. I did a 100% run of this game, but admittedly this was a much smaller task than a Guacamelee 100%. The game length was just about right for what it was (6-7 hours), but the price point may be a bit too steep for how much game you're getting ($15). Pick it up if it's ever on sale. 

My GIPL Rating: A-

Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow (DS)

A few GIPLs back, I talked about playing Aria of Sorrow, Dawn's prequel. I loved that game, and I love Dawn for all of the same reasons. It's basically just a better-looking version of Aria, complete with a new castle and a few new faces. The pacing and level design of this game are pristine, among the best Metroidvania games I've ever played. The game never tells you where to go, but you'll find your way there without needing any help. The soul absorption system of secondary items/magic abilities is also so much fun. There are hundreds of abilities that the various enemies may drop, leading to endless combat styles. Even the story isn't half bad. Soma Cruz is becoming more comfortable with his role as a soul-absorbing reincarnation of Dracula who fights for good. Handily defeating pretenders is very satisfying under this context. I'd say this one is tied with Aria as my favorite Castlevania to date, and that includes being preferred over Symphony.

My GIPL Rating: A+

Super Castlevania IV (Wii Virtual Console)

Speaking of Castlevania games I've previously reviewed in GIPL, for some reason I had a weird urge to replay this infuriating SNES game. I cheated this time around and used save states to help me navigate this unfairly difficult platformer. I don't mind hard games. I've beaten Super Meat Boy, as I tend to mention too often. But this game is hard for all the wrong reasons. It has an unforgiving autosave system that determines where you return after a death, the controls are clunky, and Simon Belmont moves like he has Guillain-Barre syndrome. Luckily it's a short game, and after agonizingly fighting Dracula like 50 times, I finally beat him and this stupid game. I'm not revisiting it again, FYI.

My GIPL Rating: D+

Shantae: Risky's Revenge (PC)

So as I mentioned earlier I try to play any halfway decent Metroidvania game that I catch wind of. One that I consistently hear is really good is Shantae and the Pirate's Curse. I've also heard that Risky's Revenge, Curse's predecessor, is also pretty good, so I wanted to try it before I dove into Curse. Well consider me unimpressed with this indie icon's second outing. The game was originally DSi Ware, and some of the controls don't translate well to PC. The map is minimally helpful, and there are a handful of essential items that you only use once or twice that were really hard to find. I prefer essential items to be well-placed with level design that silently guides the player to find them naturally but relatively easily (like basically everything in Super Metroid). If that can't be done, I suppose it's okay to explicitly tell me where the item is. Risky's Revenge does neither. You'll find these essential items in the same, ordinary caves that house extra cash or a life upgrade. Ain't nobody got time for that. Aside from that, the game was fine. Nothing about it really blew my mind. We'll see how Pirate's Curse goes. 

My GIPL Rating: C

Undertale (PC)

Per usual, I'm a few years late to the trendy games. You probably already know about Undertale, so I'll try to limit this to my experience with it. I'm a huge EarthBound fan, and its influence in Undertale is obvious and the two are often compared. EarthBound is a game that tells a great story. Undertale is a great story told through a game. That may be a bit confusing, but the difference is in the focus. EarthBound has a larger and more consistent game world and mechanics throughout. Undertale is more flexible with its gameplay and world based on the needs of the story, and is therefore much more linear as a result. They both have cheeky and wall-breaking humor that I enjoyed, and they both do a great job of incorporating the player into the narrative without making them the in-game character. While I love both of them, Undertale falls a bit short of EarthBound in my book, mostly because gameplay is too-often sacrificed for the story. There's a lot more I can write about this, but someone else probably has already done it better. So go search the internet, friend. I got a little sidetracked there, but yeah. Undertale. Good game. Great story/message.

My GIPL Rating: A

That. Is. It. Love you all -\m/ (that's the love sign thing that people make with their hands. Not to be confused with Spider-Man web thwip thwip)